On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dove soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate ofconstruction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
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