OFFICE OFFICE!!!

OFFICE DEFINITIONS!

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman;they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

OH!!! REALLY???

Actual Label Instructions On Consumer Goods

On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dove soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:Fits one head.

(The big one or the little one?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate ofconstruction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning keep out of children.

(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(have a lobotomy)

On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

(What is this, a home castration kit?)

Do Raaste...

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Source: Photo:people.uis.edu

Speck in the Cosmos!!!

It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. ~Andrew J. Holmes, Wisdom in Small Doses

If you look carefully at the NASA photo on the right, you will see a little white dot. This minute speck is Earth seen from the Voyager 1 spacecraft as it exits the solar system, nearly 4 billion miles away. The photo was taken back in 1990.

Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.
Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.
– Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994

CRICKET DEEWANE!!!

CRICKET ANECDOTES


15 seconds of fame

The scene, Melbourne. The year, 1920-'21. A certain Mrs. Park was sitting in the VIP enclosure, placidly knitting away. At one point, she fumbled and dropped her ball of wool. She bent, picked it up, dusted it off, and looked up. And realised that she had missed the entire international career of her husband, Roy Parks! The poor bloke, debuting in that game between England and Australia, was bowled by the only ball he ever faced in international cricket.


Over the wicket, into gully

Wanting to spread cricket around the globeis a most laudable objective. A story I read the other day would indicate, though, that we have some way to go, yet. This one comes from Italy, where I am told, the captain of the national side was injured recently, while fielding to the bowling of one of the premier bowlers in the Italian side. Said bowler bowled a wide, a wide so wide, it hit the bemused captain who was, at the time, fielding at gully!! The umpire must have dislocated his shoulders signalling that one -- if he hadn't bust a gut laughing, that is.


And now it's over to Giant Bronson

Brian Johnston of the BBC ranks among my favourite commentators -- if only because he provided moments of pure comedy while describing the on-field happenings. Like the time he shocked all listeners by saying, "Harvey is standing at leg slip with his legs apart, waiting for a tickle!" Or the time he referred to Asif Masood, the Pakistan pace bowler, as Massif Arsood. Or the time a huge black cloud floated over the ground, threatening further proceedings in an India-England match, and Brian Johnston -- or is that Giant Bronson? -- warbled, "There is a dirty black crowd here." But the most hilarious of Johnston's howlers (to enjoy it to the max, get someone to read this line out to you) was when he went, "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey!"


Bitter halves

You may be a hero to the world, but to your wife you are just the bum she married. Ask the former Mrs Bhagwat Chandrasekhar. While the world raved about her husband's bowling prowess, she was least impressed. And when it came to his batting, she was even less so. Thus, the story is told of how, once, she called the ground while a match was in progress, and asked for her husband. "Sorry," said the factotum who answered the phone, "Chandra is just walking out to bat." "Oh, in that case," trilled Mrs Chandra, "no problem, I'll wait on the line!" Another remarkably unimpressed lady was the wife of the Rev David Sheppard, former England Test star. The reverend's catching skills were, certainly, not up there with his batting, but still, he must have gone a nice puce when, on tour to Australia once, he was approached by an English couple settled Down Under with a request: would the Reverend kindly christen their newborn child? "Oh no," chirped Mrs Sheppard, "not him, he's bound to drop the baby!"


Run with the hounds

Indian batsmen can't run between wickets too well, huh? And the Aussies are the world's best? Awright, check this out: In the 1950-'51 Ashes series, Australia's last wicket pair of Bill Johnston and Iverson were at the crease. Johnston edged Alec Bedser over the slips and, certain sure he had got a four, stopped halfway down the pitch for a little chat with the bowler. Iverson, meanwhile, was running up and down for all he was worth. He ran the first, then ran the second, then started off on the third. Meanwhile, Johnston noticed -- belatedly, but what the heck -- that not only had the ball been fielded inside the boundary, but the fielder, Reg Simpson, was in the act of throwing it back to keeper Godfrey Evans. Startled, Johnston began running back into his crease -- only to find that Iverson was running shoulder to shoulder with him, in the same direction, the whole taking on the appearance of a two-horse race. And what horses they were, too -- the gangly Johnston, famed for his inelegance, and the portly, waddling Iverson. Realising that disaster threatened, Iverson braked suddenly, turned, and began running back to the bowler's end -- pursued by the ball, which Evans had flung in that direction. He finally made it, just ahead of the ball. At that point, Iverson had effectively run 4, finishing up where he started from. Johnston had run a half run. And ultimately, no runs accrued to the batsman -- who, interestingly enough, was dismissed off the very next ball.

Source: photo:http://www.nicholsoncartoons.com.au/

Two Speeches

Jawaharlal Nehru (1889-1964): Speech On the Granting of Indian Independence, August 14, 1947

Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long supressed, finds utterance. It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of Inida and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity.
At the dawn of history India started on her unending quest, and trackless centuries are filled with her striving and the grandeur of her success and her failures. Through good and ill fortune alike she has never lost sight of that quest or forgotten the ideals which gave her strength. We end today a period of ill fortune and India discovers herself again. The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?
Freedom and power bring responsibility. The responsibility rests upon this Assembly, a sovereign body representing the sovereign people of India. Before the birth of freedom we have endured all the pains of labour and our hearts are heavy with the memory of this sorrow. Some of those pains continue even now. Nevertheless, the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now.
That future is not one of ease or resting but of incessant striving so that we may fulfil the pledges we have so often taken and the one we shall take today. The service of India means the service of the millions who suffer. It means the ending of poverty and ignorance and disease and inequality of opportunity. The ambition of the greatest man of our generation has been to wipe every tear from every eye. That may be beyond us, but as long as there are tears and suffering, so long our work will not be over.
And so we have to labour and to work, and work hard, to give reality to our dreams. Those dreams are for India, but they are also for the world, for all the nations and peoples are too closely knit together today for any one of them to imagine that it can live apart Peace has been said to be indivisible; so is freedom, so is prosperity now, and so also is disaster in this One World that can no longer be split into isolated fragments.
To the people of India, whose representatives we are, we make an appeal to join us with faith and confidence in this great adventure. This is no time for petty and destructive criticism, no time for ill-will or blaming others. We have to build the noble mansion of free India where all her children may dwell.

GETTYSBURG ADDRESS BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN


Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Tie Your Heart At Night To Mine, Love

Tie Your Heart At Night To Mine, Love
Pablo Neruda

Tie your heart at night to mine, love,
and both will defeat the darkness
like twin drums beating in the forest
against the heavy wall of wet leaves

Night crossing: black coal of dream,
that cuts the thread of earthly orbs
with the punctuality of a headlong train
that pulls cold stone and shadow endlessly.

Love, because of it, tie me to a purer movement,
to the grip on life that beats in your breast,with the wings of a submerged swan,
So that our dream might reply
to the sky's questioning stars with one key,
one door closed to shadow.

Deception Love and Romance!!!

EVER WONDERED???? :-)

What counts as cheating?
How can I overcome my jealousy?
How can I stop lying to those I love?
What is the best way to tell the truth?
Is watching porn considered cheating?
What is the best way to tell the perfect lie?
What is the best way to discover the truth?
Should I expose someone who is cheating?
How do I rebuild trust after it has been destroyed?
What are the nonverbal signs of lying and deception?
What is the best way to deal with a liar and a cheater?
Why do people lie to each other, if they really love each other?
What is the best way to deal with compulsive or pathological lying?
What steps can I take to create a healthy relationship or marriage?
If I have done something wrong, should I confess or keep it a secret?
How can I find out if my wife or husband has cheated on me in the past?
Is it ethical to install spyware or computer monitoring software on my spouse's computer?

Well here is a website that claims to hav answers to the questions!!!

Check it out!!! :-) The Truth About Deception

Fairy Tales Reloaded

With many of my friends already blessed with little bundles of joy and quite a few eagerly expecting new arrivals it will be time soon for our group to dust the hazy childhood memories of the fairy tales we had listened to in our parents' lap.

Time to view these stories from the narrator's pespective!!! And also the new dimensions of storytelling in our own generation!

Here are some of my personal favourites!!!

The Emperor's New Suit

Hänsel and Grethel

Little Snow-White

Rapunzel

HOWRAH BRIDGE

The end of the 17th Century Kolkata witnessed the gradual emergence of the city of Kolkata brought about by the merger of three villages - Kolkata, Sutanati & Gobindapur on the eastern bank of the river Hooghly, the other name of River 'Ganga'. On the western bank, Howrah came up as a bustling site of commerce.

Kolkata was declared the capital of India by the British and remained so till 1911. The railway station at Howrah set up in the year 1906 and the bridge (later popularly known as Howrah Bridge) thus served as the logistic link with one of the country's oldest metropolis, Kolkata.

The Howrah Bridge, the fourth cantilever bridge in the world, was commissioned (under the aegis of the then commissioners of the Port of Calcutta) in February 1943. It consumed 26,500 tons of steel and was constructed at an approximate cost of Rs. 250 lakhs. No incidents of major casualty were reported during the construction phase of the bridge.


Rabindra Setu is a suspension type balanced cantilever bridge with central span1500 ft. between centers of main towers.


The Anchor arms are 325ft. and the Cantilever arms are 468 ft. long at both ends. While the middle suspended span is 564 ft., main towers are 280 ft. high above the monoliths and 76 ft. apart at the top Bridge deck width is 71 ft. with two footpaths of 15 ft. on either side.All members of the super structure comprise built-up reverted sections with a combination of high tensile and mild steel. Between towers, bridge deck hangs from panel points in the lower chord of the main trusses with a series of hangers (39 pairs). Roadway beyond the towers is supported on ground leaving anchor arm free from deck loads. Bridge deck comprises 71 ft. carriageway and 15 ft. footway, projecting either side of the trusses and braced by longitudinal facia girder.




Source:http://howrahbridgekolkata.nic.in/

The Little Prince

One of my favourite Books of all time!!! THE LITTLE PRINCE by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Gifted to me in class XI by my english teacher, I keep going back to the book every year...and keep learning something new!!..Here are some of my favourite passages from the book

All grown-ups were children first. (But few remember it).

Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him.

If you tell grown-ups, "I saw a beautiful red brick house, with geraniums at the windows and doves on the roof...," they won't be able to imagine such a house. You have to tell them, "I saw a house worth a hundred thousand francs." ThWhat a pretty house!" en they exclaim, "

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.